Lauren Goodger has shared how she spent 24 hours with daughter Lorena after the newborn died.
The former Towie star was devastated after her baby girl died unexpectedly, shortly after being born earlier this month.
Lauren had no complications while giving birth and said she had a ‘textbook pregnancy’, making Lorena’s death all the more distressing for her and on/off boyfriend Charles Drury.
The reality star, 35, and Charles, 25, revealed they were expecting their second child last year, following the birth of their first child, Larose, who is one.
Now, Lauren has opened up about her grief, explaining how she was given 24 hours to spend with her newborn in a special room at the hospital.
Lauren said this is where she ‘cried the most tears,’ telling OK! that she ‘kissed her all over and all through the night’ and ‘didn’t sleep’.
‘I just spent the night looking at her and touching her. I held her hands and her little feet. I spoke to her and told her I loved her and all about Larose,’ she said.
‘I dressed her in a beautiful sleep suit that belonged to Larose. I cried so much that night.’
Lauren added: ‘She just looked so perfect and beautiful and I couldn’t stop taking photos of her. I’ve got all the photos on my phone and I can’t stop looking at them.’
She described the 24 hours that she got to spend with Lorena as ‘beautiful’.
‘I didn’t want to let her go.’
Lauren and Charles are currently awaiting the results of a post-mortem, which she said she needed to have ‘for my own sanity’ and to know exactly what happened.
The couple are then hoping to move Lorena to a funeral home this week, where Lauren plans to go and see her again ‘to say my final goodbyes.’
‘I wasn’t going to have a post-mortem at first, but I changed my mind. I feel like I need answers. I need more of an understanding of why this happened,’ the influencer said.
On the urge to blame herself, she said she tries not to blame ‘anyone’ because ‘it is what it is’, despite being ‘awful’ and wanting to give ‘anything to rewind it’.
‘I’m not getting anywhere by blaming myself. I have to try and move forwards and accept it. But first I need to understand it. That’s why I changed my mind about the post-mortem.’
Moving forwards, Lauren hopes to raise awareness of grieving for a newborn and offer support to other mums.
She also wants to set the record straight amid online speculation about what happened to Lorena.
‘There have been other mums who have gone through similar situations and have shared their stories with me, and I feel like I owe them this back. I want to help other people and other families.’