Louise Thompson has revealed she has PTSD after almost dying while giving birth to her first child, son Leo-Hunter.
The former Made In Chelsea star, 31, was in hospital for five weeks after Leo was born, leaving her facing ‘various serious complications’.
She once again took to Instagram to share her experience so far, writing: ‘I can only write when I am not having a depressive panic episode and luckily right now I am not.
‘My panic episodes can last hours or days and are totally unpredictable. When I’m having one I can’t function, I can’t look after myself, let alone anyone else around me. I can’t even spell my name. I can’t see, I can’t hear, I can’t look anyone in the eye.
‘They have got so bad that I have convinced myself that I’m going crazy. I feel depersonalisation, hyper paranoia as if I’ve taken a million and one drugs and I feel like I’m stuck in another realm. I am not myself.
‘If my mind can’t find a physical problem then it will attach itself to a mental one. The other night I thought my head was actually going to explode open because my internal dialogue was so wild and overwrought. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were blood shot. I don’t know whether the mental causes the physical or the other way around, but things seem to be getting worse. If it was a permanent state, I don’t think I would be here.’
Louise revealed that the episodes are unpredictable which means she struggles to plan her days at the moment.
She continued: ‘Every day is so uncertain. What is certain is that I’m not thinking about anything negative, in fact I’m doing everything I can to try not to spiral… but my subconscious thinks that I’m dying all the time.
‘I think I have boxed my experiences up and buried them, but they are coming back to haunt me. ALL THE TIME.
‘My body and mind are in constant fight or flight mode and I quite literally will be triggered by anything. The other day I looked in the mirror and noticed that the underside of my tongue was blue. I thought I was dying.
‘Another trigger: mornings. That’s the worst one, I’m actually fearful of getting up in the morning because if I start the day with an episode then I really struggle to flick the switch/to claw my way out of it and that means a whole day of battling with myself which is exhausting.
‘No tools can fix the problem. Nothing. Tools seem laughable at this point, but I’m sure they will get better. I’m not just a hypochondriac I do have a lot of really bad physical symptoms too like pain, dizziness, fainting, temperatures.’
She also reflected on how far she had come in her recovery, which began with worries of ‘savage internal infections’ and ‘scary blood tests results’ to now being concerned about fatigue and memory loss.
‘When I have one full good day I celebrate it, but I’m actually scared about what is going to come next,’ she revealed.
Louise had shared the post along with a sweet snap of her cradling Leo, who she shares with Ryan Libbey, as their dog snuggled up next to them.
She had earlier praised Ryan for stepping up while she was unwell and taking over the ‘lion’s share’ of the work looking after their newborn son.
Credit: Original article published here.