Made In Chelsea star Louise Thompson has shared her ‘deep sadness’ at not being able to remember the first five months of her son’s life due to her PTSD and postnatal anxiety.
The reality star uploaded a post to her Instagram in which she detailed her traumatic birthing experience with her 12-month-old, Leo.
After nearly dying during the procedure in November 2021, the 32-year-old began experiencing ‘intense traumatic incidences in such close proximity of one another’.
Looking back over photos from her son’s earlier months, she admitted she felt like a ‘crap’ parent and explained the intense emotional guilt she was suffering with.
Underneath her gallery picture post, she wrote a long captioned that outlined the entire heart-breaking story.
It read: ‘I looked at thousands of photos of my little Leo last night and then again this morning (many of which I’d never seen) and yet I still feel unsure on what to post to mark this momentous occasion.
‘However, it seems strange not to address the elephant in the room, so here’s a really mundane photo of me and my baby boy yesterday morning getting ready for the day.
‘I feel so privileged to be able to do normal boring s**t with him.
‘Yesterday my attitude was to simply get through the day and to try not to make it all about me.’
Louise continued on saying: ‘I just wanted to have a nice time with Leo and his grandparents.
‘Today I’ve had a bit more time for self reflection and to be honest when I look back over the past year (mainly through images taken) I feel mixed emotions.
‘I feel a bit angry, like I want to swear a lot, especially when I look at how glazed over I was at the beginning of his journey on earth.
‘Then I want to cry. I want to cry because I was a totally CRAP parent. I really was and it wasn’t my fault.
‘But it didn’t need to be that way. There was no connection, in fact I can’t even remember anything for the first five months of his life.
‘I know that the whole thing is a haze for most new mums, but for me I think it was different. I literally didn’t know what was going on around me.’
The personality shares her son with fellow cast member and fitness fanatic Ryan Libbey.
Reflecting on the tumultuous last year, she painfully shared that she ‘shed a few tears thinking about what today would’ve looked like if I hadn’t made it’.
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