Ashley James has confessed that she was initially upset when she found out she was having a baby boy, after convincing herself ‘all men were trash’.
The former Made In Chelsea star welcomed her first child with boyfriend Tommy on January 9 – a son named Alfie.
Now he’s here Ashley says she ‘can’t imagine not wanting him’, but admitted that at first she was disappointed by her baby’s sex.
Speaking on the Made By Mummas podcast, Ashley said she ‘really didn’t want’ a baby boy and thinks her bad experiences with heartache were to blame, as she had conditioned herself not to like men.
Ashley had been convinced she was going to have a girl, while her boyfriend Tommy – who she first met at work 10 years ago, before reconnecting in 2019 – was adamant the pair were having a boy.
She said: ‘When we got the call, we were at his parents house and I couldn’t hide, I was really upset, to the point that [Tommy] and his family were like, “This is awful, why are you upset? It’s great, he’s healthy, you’re having a little boy,” but I was like, “I don’t want a boy.”‘
Ashley explained that when she fell pregnant a female friend of hers had died and part of her grieving process was telling herself she was going to have a little girl.
She had huge hopes for giving birth to a little mini-me and a ‘really cool feminist’, who would never have to experience heartache as, as a mum, Ashley would teach her how to deal with it.
Blaming her past break ups for being the reason behind her not wanting a boy, Ashley said: ‘I think from being single so long and having my heart broken a lot – and also there is kind of like social media feminism where it’s really popular to be like “men are trash”.
‘Yes, there really are a lot of trash men, but I think I’d really got it in my head to the point where I didn’t really like men and I thought that most of them were d*cks, to be honest. I was like, “How can I bring another man into the world?” I really had to work on my own issues in a way.’
‘It was getting my head around the fact they were issues I had to work on myself. We’ve all suffered heartbreak, that is not a gender thing. There will be men out there that have experienced bad treatment at the hand of women,’ Ashley continued.
‘There’s also some amazing men, like Tommy, like my dad – the people that I felt like were such rare breeds, they’re actually everywhere. If you only want to see one thing, that’s all you see. Now, I can’t imagine not wanting him.’
Despite being against having a boy, Ashley said that she ‘always knew she would love’ her son and that’s why she is being so open about feeling ‘gender disappointment’.
‘It is very common to really want one or the other, and then be disappointed with the outcome,’ she said.
Ashley first confirmed her pregnancy in July last year. Before meeting boyfriend Tommy, the DJ and influencer had been single for six years.
After falling pregnant, Ashley said news she was expecting totally ‘changed her life’ as she had never been that ‘maternal’ before.
‘It’s been such a 360-degree shift for me. I’ve never been that maternal,’ she revealed. ‘When friends have been like, “I want to meet someone, settle down and have children,” I never felt the same, I guess I’ve been a free spirit.’