Sometimes, Amazon feels like a magical land where all of your wildest and most bizarre dreams can come true. The power to buy anything with one click is how I once ended up with a 1kg bag of sour gummy worms (and you can, too…I’ll just leave the link here). My co-workers have made similar strange purchases, like a giant plush corgi and an endless supply of tampons.
But, Amazon isn’t just good for buying things you do and don’t need in bulk. It’s also essentially an online sex toy shop you never knew existed. But, the problem with Amazon’s endless options is that it can be almost impossible to wade through them. The dildos and vibrators category on Amazon, for example, consists of 400 pages.
So, I combed through the Amazon trenches for you, and found some incredible toys all available on Amazon Prime. Act now, and you can have these vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, and strap-ons in your hand in two days. A dream come true? I think so.
Wireless Wand Massager
This highly-reviewed Amazon wireless massager boasts a near-perfect star rating, so you can shop with confidence knowing that this tiny-but-mighty vibe can get the job done.
The Hype: 4.7 out of 5 stars and 97 reviews on Amazon
Real-Person Review: “I got this on a friends recommendation. This is the best lock-down purchase I could have bought. I am not longer spending my days filled with Facebook, wine and crappy zoom quizzes. Quiet enough that the housemate thinks I sleep too much due to the time spent alone, but strong enough that I lost the use of my legs a couple of times. Has relieved the pain of not being able to live my normal life and replaced it with multiple orgasms.” – Anonymous Amazon Reviewer
XOPLAY Wireless Wand Massager, $, available at Amazon
Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation Air-Pulse Clitoris Stimulator
This bestselling clit vibrator uses suction to get you your most earth-shattering O yet.
The Hype: 3.9 out of 5 stars and 6,810 reviews on Amazon
Real-Person Review: “I was a bit skeptical as I have owned many different toys in the past and always found them a bit of a disappointment. But let me tell you. This, is a game changer. Imagine 100 perfectly formed angels going down on you, whilst soothing your soul and whispering in your ear the answer to all your problems. I’m 99% sure I passed over into the afterlife for a brief moment in time.” — Anonymous Amazon Reviewer
Satisfyer Satisfyer Pro 2 Clitorial Toy, $, available at Amazon
Happy Rabbit Vibrator
Consider this the grand-daughter of the original rabbit. Instead of loud, whirring beads, this whisper-quiet toy has a curved structure to hit your G-spot and ridges for a little bit of fun texture. And the bunny ears are perfectly positioned to hit your clitoris.
The Hype: 4.4 out of 5 stars
Real-Person Review: “This is truly almost exactly like the greedy girl vibe by fifty shades of grey just less expensive… I recommend !” – Anonymous Amazon Reviewer
Happy Rabbit Happy Rabbit Happy Rabbit G-Spot Pink Vibrator, $, available at Amazon
Lelo Tiani 3
This remote-controlled, wireless vibe doesn’t just look fancy — Lelo’s Tiani can be used myriad ways to explore partner play.
The Hype: 3.2 out of 5 stars and 52 reviews on Amazon
Real-Person Review: “Love it. Enough said…great to use inside and outside of the bedroom. You can tell the tiani is made out of top quality materials and since it’s is nice and flexible it forms well physiologically. The larger head vs some of the other toys out there helps to cover and focus on the right areas. I do wish the remote control didn’t vibrate so much, but in the end it’s more fun with it than without it.” – Anonymous Amazon Reviewer
LELO Vibrator Toy, $, available at Amazon
Womanizer Pro40 Sensual Pleasure Enhancer
When it first came out, the unique suction power of the Womanizer made this sex toy almost as infamous as the Sex And The City rabbit (almost). It looks kind of strange and the name throws a lot of people off (womanizer? really?), but many who’ve tried it say it has given them the most intense orgasm they’ve ever had.
The Hype: 4.1 out of 5 stars and 583 reviews on Amazon
Real-Person Review: “OH. MY. GOD. I was not expecting to love this product at all. I’m a traditional vibrator person usually but The Womanizer puts everything else to SHAME. I probably orgasmed within 45 seconds and not only that, had the most intense orgasm of my life. This product is WELL worth the price tag, I honestly don’t know how I lived life before this. I know what I’ll be doing this weekend.” — Anonymous Amazon Reviewer
Womanizer PRO40 Sucking Toy for Women, $, available at Amazon
Seven Creations 5-Inch Black Fanny Hill Vibrating Inflatable and Expandable Butt Plug
Ready to try butt stuff? A toy like this is great for beginners, thanks to its thin head and super flared base.
The Hype: 3.9 out of 5 out of 5 stars and 955 customer reviews on Amazon
Real-Person Review: “This is great, really good value for money and pumps up really big considering its size when you first slide it in. I love pumping it to about 20 pumps and then popping it out, certainly makes me squeal” — Tammy, Amazon Reviewer
Seven Creations 5-Inch Black Vibrating Inflatable Butt Plug, $, available at Amazon
Pipedream Products Icicles No 5
This glass dildo is microwave- and freezer-safe, making it a perfect pick for temperature play.
The Hype: 4.6 out of 5 stars and 198 customer ratings on Amazon
Real-Person Review: “Icicles are becoming my favourite toy! I was hesitant to use glass because I thought it would feel strange or be uncomfortable. I was wrong. The spiral detail on this piece is incredible, and the weight of it is very pleasant. It’s also easy to clean and non-porous. And as an added bonus- the pieces are beautiful!” — Brittney, Amazon Reviewer
Pipedream Glass Dildo With Blue Spiral, $, available at Amazon
LELO Luna Beads
ICYMI: Kegel exercises are great for your pelvic floor, and can help with everything from having amazing sex to avoiding urinary incontinence (aka, peeing yourself a little bit when you sneeze). You can absolutely do kegels without the help of a toy like this, but beads could make them more fun.
The Hype: 4.1 out of 5 stars and 676 reviews on Amazon
Real-Person Review: “Honestly, I have only had these for two days so far. I started with just one of the pink beads on the first day and I didn’t even feel it (which is okay because I have been doing Kegal exercises for a while now) so I moved up to one blue bead the second day. They feel awesome and are super easy to use and you can REALLY tell that they are working. I would recommend them to everyone!” — Anonymous Amazon Reviewer
LELO Kegal Balls, $, available at Amazon
