We all experience the occasional dry periods in our intimate lives. Periods of ebbs and flows of libido, energy, and desire are normal.
But hitting the feared ‘dead bedroom’ stage in a relationship signals that your intimate life may require some revivial.
If you’re unsure what the term ‘dead bedroom’ means, it indicates a situation where a couple either no longer engage in sexual activity or only do so infrequently.
Simply put, the passion has been extinguished.
If this sounds like something you can relate to, you’re not alone. The term ‘dead bedroom’ is being increasingly searched on Google, with a notable increase of 233% in the past year.
But how can you reignite that early romantic phase where your main thoughts were about passionate, intimate moments?
Relationship expert and author, Lucy Beresford, suggests that the first step is having a frank discussion.
‘Every couple is different in terms of their sexual needs. Begin by discussing the present circumstances to understand your partner’s feelings and communicate your needs subtly,’ she advises Metro.co.uk.
‘Ensure these discussions take place when you can dedicate time to each other in order to express your desires and attentively listen to each other, maintaining a positive and judgement-free environment.
‘Investigate whether your partner thinks the decrease in sexual activity is due to a non-intimate-related issue. Such issues could include feeling ignored, not having enough time spent together, or lack of emotional support. These issues should be mutually resolved before any others.’
Although honesty is key, it’s also crucial to be mindful of the words you use. The idea is not to assign blame to your partner.
Lucy suggests: ‘Using phrases that start with ‘I’ as opposed to ‘you’ can prevent your partner from feeling attacked or blamed.’
Lucy’s next advice may seem a bit official, but she believes in formulating a plan to gradually reintroduce the sensual spark.
‘Consider actions such as promising to always share a kiss before one partner leaves or arrives home, or dedicating an evening to just gaze at each other, or perhaps a gentle caress, all to alleviate the perceived obligation for penetrative sex,’ Lucy explains.
She believes it’s essential to avoid rushing into anything, and suggests focusing initially on minor intimate gestures.
According to Lucy: ‘Small steps as both of you start to get back into the swing of sexual activities are more significant than diving directly into intimate moments.
‘Small intimate gestures like kissing, holding hands, massaging, or caressing can reinforce the affectionate bond without escalating the expectation of sex.’
Above all, make it clear to your partner that having fun and enjoying intimate moments is the main goal, not necessarily reaching orgasm or engaging in full-on penetrative sex.
And when you’re ready to spice things up a bit, our preferred TikToker for relationship and bedroom guidance, AJ Papadatos, can help.
Through his TikToks, he suggests intertwining your fingers with your partner’s during sex to intensify the feeling of connection. You can also communicate more openly about how both of you are feeling to increase the level of intimacy.
