Christmas in 2020 is going to be like no other.
For some, that’s a good thing, and perhaps you’d rather the festive season was cancelled altogether. That’s fine. You do you, Scrooge.
But for those that enjoy that warm, spicy feeling of holiday in the air and, much more importantly, the rallying of countless Christmas classics on the box, it’s sort of going to suck.
That’s right, the whimsical joy of the annual Christmas film binge is all but ruined this year and you know why.
While I wholeheartedly agree with Dan Walker that people who are putting up their decorations now – in early November, six weeks before the big day, for Saint Nick’s sake – are monsters who need to be stopped, I do love partaking in some of Hollywood’s Christmas offerings.
From Love Actually to The Holiday (two staples, if you will), Home Alone, The Grinch and Elf – heck, I’ll even whack on The Princess Switch if we’re getting desperate – the month of December is filled with actors wrapped in tinsel and drowned in eggnog.
You could argue the modern holiday films just don’t deliver like the old school classics like Meet Me In St Louis, but sadly I’m a product of my selfish Gen Y existence and won’t pretend I’m Christmasly-cultured just for the purpose of this column.
Anyway, more to my staggeringly important point, what is going to happen this year is that while we’ll be reaching for the remote to whack on [insert chosen streaming service here] to pick a film, popcorn in the lap, mulled wine on the coffee table, with the ambition of being somewhat cheered up and escape to another time that is not 2020, it’s not going to happen.
If you’re not someone who truly wants to feel like you’re living in a film, all Christmas movies are going to do this year is ruin our mood even more so than it’s already been trashed.
Think about it – festive films are designed to show us celebratory scenes of families coming together, of 16 people crammed around a table eating turkey and sharing cracker jokes. They reflect the mad dash at the malls and stores to get last minute gifts, while a good film will also remind many how lovely it truly is to reunite with old friends at the pub in your hometown on Christmas Eve.
Unless you’re some sort of disassociated robot who can resist the emotions of Christmas films loading on top of the pre-heated sadness that your festive season has gone to the dogs (I reckon I can pull it off), then I fear you’re just going to be let down this year.
Take, for example…
An ensemble cast? Sheesh that’s a lot of support bubbles that are definitely breaking Boris’s Rule Of Six.
And don’t think you’re going to be able to go to the airport to pick up loved ones, that’s not going to happen on so many levels, no less the fact no one is travelling anywhere in the sky for Christmas this year. Not without quarantining for two weeks straight afterwards, anyway.
The only accurate thing, we suppose, is Andrew Lincoln’s Mark turning up outside Keira Knightley’s character Juliet’s door with his stack of love-professing cards.
Here we’ve got social distancing, and no talking as to limit the spray of potentially infectious saliva. Yep, sounds about right, as the only interaction with many of our mates right now is from the footpath.
Sort of ruined it when they kissed, though.
Holidays? We hardly knew ‘em.
While it’s hilarious to think what might happen if we forgot a family member as we jetted off to France, each time we watch this Macaulay Culkin classique, this year has seen us instead so desperate for some respite from our housemates we think a slightly longer bath is an escape.
Even if we were allowed to go on one of these right now, we’re definitely not going to be swapping homes with a stranger.
Where’s the deep clean of your English cottage, Kate Winslet?!
…or any film that involves a Santa in a shopping mall. Because Covid-19 has closed down all our shops.
Can we get a Zoom Santa up in here?
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Eh, that’s pretty accurate, actually. This whole year has been a nightmare, so why stop come December 25?
Even though many may not class this as a traditional Christmas film (and I somewhat agree), a lot of you will argue in its corner that it’s a festive fave.
I’ve mused over its ruining of the holidays seeing as Christmas parties are off the cards in 2020, so thanks to Bruce Willis that’s another thing that’ll be rubbed in our face this year.
Yippee ki yay.
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
If anything, the Grinch is the only film that really reflects where we’re at: man locks himself away as to not mix with the people in his village? Now that’s social distancing done right.
Moral of the story, we might just save ourselves the Christmas torment and watch The Devil Wears Prada for the 437th time.
Credit: Original article published here.