‘Casa Amor is the ultimate love test,’ said Love Island presenter Maya Jama in a teaser for tonight’s programme. ‘It’s a trust test.’
She stated all of this knowing well well that, for the majority of the Love Island couples, trust will vanish in an instant when they are reunited.
Nothing else comes close to Casa Amor as the most unmissable week of television all year (The Traitors aside).
It’s when I and many others take sick delight in having my heart broken, my confidence in men shattered, and publicly saying ‘I would die’ for a Love Islander whose name I’ll forget in a year after they’ve been jilted in the most horrible twist in front of millions.
After a month of what has been the flattest series I can recall in a long time, the second Winter Love Island has hit the milestone this week.
Even the inaugural Winter Love Island, largely regarded as the dullest Love Island yet, offered us Shaughna Phillips, who delivered one of the most memorable killing lines ever when Callum Jones returned to the villa with Molly Smith: ‘Congrats, hun.’
This Casa Amor has all the makings of one of the most explosive yet. Almost every head has been turned at least little, and the strongest partnerships from the start have been shattered. The claws will be out tonight.
However, the previous five days of deceit and squelching kissing noises have just emphasised the fundamental issue with this series of Love Island and why it’s been such a grind to watch: there doesn’t appear to be a single genuine connection in there. Where is the love?
Until now, Farmer Will Young has been the genuine hero of this current run.
While he originally appeared destined to spend the entire eight weeks in the friend zone, he appeared to actually fall for former Aussie Love Island star Jessie Wynter.
They’ve given an otherwise loveless series of Love Island some genuine heart by continually giggling, removing themselves from the game, and just having a good time while the ‘drama’ (if you can call a quarrel over the washing up drama) develops around them.
The £50,000 prize was theirs to take, but Will threw it all away to snog a Casa Amor bombshell after some of the most agonising flirting I’ve witnessed since Curtis Pritchard chatted to, well, anyone.
Tanya Manhenga and Shaq Muhammad, who appeared to be rock solid from day one, were the only other pair that even hinted at becoming this year’s success story. They’ve even both used the L-word.
When he called out the other males in the villa for their poisonous treatment of the girls – seemingly unprecedented in Love Island – the public erupted, cheering the first Love Island boy to arrive with all the ‘green flags’ displayed. He was the occasion. At least for a day.
When he became too envious of Tanya over a kissing challenge, those green signals turned crimson red.
Needless to say, Tanya got the ‘itch’ upon entering Casa Amor, and what was once a promising match was ruined. She’ll almost certainly be returning to the villa with Martin Akiona.
On paper, I should be worried as hell and furiously speculating about the events ahead with my different Love Island WhatsApp groups ahead of tonight’s episode, which has been touted as the most violent dumping in the show’s history.
Unfortunately, these organisations have not been very active during the series.
So, despite the promise of a massive Casa Amor climax, it got me thinking: who cares if none of the couples have had any chemistry from the start?
Ron and Lana Jenkins have been dating for almost a month, and despite several hitches and bombshells, the journey has simply not been worthwhile.
Olivia Hawkins and Kai Fagan are just as convincing as Jeremy Clarkson and Meghan Markle would be. Tom Clare will just agree to couple up with anyone who tells him to, and it’s not even worth discussing anyone else.
The difficulty with this winter Love Island season (series nine) was that it not only arrived weeks after the nation was enthralled by The Traitors, but it also came after one of the most exciting seasons in years.
From Ekin-su Cülcülolu ‘not’ messing about with George Tasker to Luca Bish secretly urging all the lads to cheat on their relationships while smugly watching their collapse, Casa Amor was totally crazy from start to end.
Andrew Le Page’s ‘I licked her tit or whatever’ runs through my mind hourly to this day.
The stakes were excruciatingly high, and knowing Movie Night was just around the corner made me nauseous.
Sure, Casa Amor has been the centrepiece of yet another season of Love Island. The’secret’ second villa has arrived to turn what we know upside down, and mission completed.
But it also shows that there was always very little to lose while entering Casa Amor – there was no danger or risk. Aside from Shaq, I don’t believe there will be any genuine heartbreak.
Love Island has less than a month remaining, and it is unlikely that anything will be able to save the show.
If Movie Night goes forward, it will be remembered as a box office disaster, if it is remembered at all.
Love Island continues tonight at 9pm on ITV2.
