Who will be the naughtiest? Who will break the most hearts? We’ve got some predictions… (Picture: Netflix/Rex/Metro.co.uk)
‘It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible…’
No, that’s not a quote from Love Island alumni Chris and Kem, but words of wisdom from none other than – get us! – Oscar Wilde, the esteemed wit who surely would have been on waspish voiceover duty had Love Island been making waves in his heyday.
Happily, there’s a whole lot of ‘visible’ (ie, boys and babes flaunting toned abs and rock-hard butts) to wonder at this summer as the return of Love Island coincides
with series two of Netflix’s sizzling Too Hot To Handle – the forbidden-fruit game show where the prize money drops every time the sexy singletons (inevitably) get it on.
What to expect from this year’s line-ups for the two shows? In the main, a back-to-basics, ordinary-blokes-and-babes approach: Too Hot To Handle is full of horny flirts while the Love Islanders are all beach bod-ready.
Kudos that disability is represented, though there doesn’t seem to be much movement on the bi-curious front.
But to really sound like a water-cooler expert on this year’s sexy summer TV showdown, soak up our runners-and-riders guide below.
Because that’s what returning to the office is for, right?
Most Likely To Break The Rules: Too Hot To Handle’s Cam
Will Cam be a naughty boy? (Picture: Netflix)
The criminology graduate from Newport is a self-confessed Lord Of The Rings-loving nerd – a nerd who can’t keep it in his pants.
Horny even by Too Hot To Handle’s supercharged libido standards.
Too Clever By Half: Love Island’s Sharon
Brainbox Sharon is looking for love (Picture: ITV)
Optimistic civil servant/ex-beauty queen Sharon is hoping to meet her intellectual equal in Love Island. Er, good luck with that.
Still, Sharon’s been working on Brexit policy so she will know all about negotiating awkward territory.
Hungriest Maneater: Too Hot To Handle’s Carly
Carly’s got her eyes on everything but the prize (Picture: Netflix)
Everyone is on the prowl on these shows but Canadian model Carly is like a cat on heat from the moment she claps eyes on the beefcake on supply in the luxe Turks & Caicos villa she’s shacked up in.
A cat in a teeny-weeny bikini? No one is off-limits.
Best Boy Next Door: Love Island’s Hugo
Lovable Hugo could be very popular (Picture: ITV)
PE teacher Hugo is fit – but not too fit – and he’s got a cute smile to match his overcoming adversity (he was born with clubfoot) storyline. We predict big things for this lad.
Best Bod: Too Hot To Handle’s Nathan
Steady on, cowboy (Picture: Netflix)
An English stripper currently strutting his stuff in Texas – hence the cowboy hat – Nathan has clearly put the time in down the gym.
But a willingness to lap dance at the drop of a Stetson does not a personality make.
Most Likely To Have Her Heart Broken: Too Hot To Handle’s Emily
Emily might be in for a rough ride (Picture: Netflix)
Trust and betrayal are key words in these shows and English model Emily has too much of the former for her own good – putting all your eggs in one basket early on is never a smart move and this smokin’ girl next door is likely to learn that the hard way.
Most High- Maintenance Princess: Too Hot To Handle’s Melinda
Melinda likes to be camera-ready (Picture: Netflix)
New Yorker Melinda shoots from the lip when it comes to telling it like it is but don’t expect her to go one on one with the camera without ensuring her fabulous eyelashes are securely glued in place.
Bless. It’s worth the wait, though.
The Name-Dropper: Love Island’s Aaron
Aaron has got friends in high places (Picture: ITV)
Luxury events host Aaron has enjoyed – if that’s the word – celebrity chinwags with princesses Eugenie and Beatrice.
But is minor royal chit-chat likely to boost his romantic chances or prove a turn-off?
Best Tatts: Love Island’s Jake
Jake’s all about the ink (Picture: ITV)
Ink-watchers will be relieved that, in a year when the tattoo brigade are in retreat, Jake does his bit for the art with one-and-a-half legs, one arm and one half of his tummy etched and sketched.
He’s a water engineer, which will come in handy if the pool leaks.
You Had Me At That Accent: Too Hot To Handle’s Marvin
Say bonjour to Marvin (Picture: Netflix)
Living proof that everything sounds sexier in French – and boy, does he know it – former basketball pro Marvin brings plenty of ooh and much la-la to the THTH bedroom.
The penchant for sulking is a turn-off but – boof – he gets away with it. CHAUD!
Best All Rounder: Love Island’s Shannon
Ex-glamour model Shannon can do it all (Picture: ITV)
Shannon’s a model, which is pretty much taken as read in this universe. However, she’s a DJ, YouTuber and influencer too.
And at 22, she looks back on her self-confessed ‘glory days’ as a glamour model. So expect much skimpiness, attire-wise.
Best Teeth: Love Island’s Brad
You can’t miss Brad’s gnashers (Picture: ITV)
If love doesn’t pan out for 26-year-old Brad from Northumberland (the cleanest-cut labourer you’ve ever seen), his future is still bright: as a toothpaste model.
We’re so blinded by his pearly whites we still can’t focus.
Best Style: Love Island’s Kaz
Kaz will bring her best bikini game (Picture: ITV)
Essex-based Kaz is a fashion blogger, an occupation somewhat at odds with the ethos of a show where the idea is to wear as little as possible.
Expect her to do fabulous things with shoes.
Love Island starts at 9pm on ITV2 on Monday.
Too Hot To Handle season two, episodes one to four, are on Netflix today with the final five episodes to follow a week later.