Christine McGuinness, a reality TV personality, says being diagnosed with autism helped her figure out why she stayed with husband Paddy – because she felt secure and dislikes change.
‘I didn’t want my family to ever fall apart and that’s why I stayed married.’ claimed the 34-year-old mother of three autistic children, who divorced the TV personality last summer after 15 years together.
‘As an autistic lady, I prefer to stay where I’m comfortable – I like things to remain the same.
‘I understand myself better now. That’s where I was comfortable – just knowing that it was me, Patrick and the children. But sometimes change has to happen. You just have to deal with it in the best way possible.’
The couple, who have nine-year-old twins Leo and Penelope and seven-year-old Felicity, were shaken in 2018 when Paddy, 49, was photographed with former All Saints singer Nicole Appleton.
‘These photographs truly destroyed me,’ she subsequently admitted. He was accused of flirting with another lady after they parted in June.
In a new BBC One documentary, Christine investigates the issue of undiagnosed women and children. She follows the connection between her disease, her childhood eating disorder, adolescent sexual assault, and her marriage to Paddy in it.
After her diagnosis, she began a mission to figure out her identity. ‘I wanted to be the perfect wife and the perfect mum,’ she says.
‘I insisted on doing absolutely everything. I’m trying to not people-please as much, which is hard as that’s naturally me. I hate the thought of upsetting anyone.
‘I’m trying to say yes to more opportunities that scare me because I want to enjoy life and experience more.
‘But also say no to things I don’t want to do. I accept myself more. I’m a lot less apologetic about myself now. I’m proud of myself and I’m happy with where I am right now.’
Six months before their divorce, the pair produced another BBC documentary, Our Family And Autism. Christine encounters a group of autistic mothers in her new show, which convinces her she doesn’t need to fit in.
She also discloses another drastic alteration.
‘I had a wardrobe for clothes I’d wear at home, a wardrobe for social media, and a wardrobe for TV – all completely different,’ she says. ‘It was like three different people lived in that wardrobe and I didn’t know which one I was.’
Christine McGuinness: Unmasking My Autism is on March 15 on BBC One (9pm) and iPlayer.