Christine McGuinness has described her experience at school as the “worst moment of her life,” stating she felt suicidal at times.
In the BBC documentary Christine McGuinness: Unmasking My Autism, the Real Housewives of Cheshire actress discusses her autism diagnosis and how it has influenced other aspects of her life over the years.
She explores the connection between her ailment, a childhood eating issue, adolescent sexual assault, and her marriage to Top Gear host Paddy McGuinness in it.
The couple, who had three autistic children together, divorced last summer after 15 years of marriage.
Christine expresses her fear as a ‘very vulnerable’ single mom at one point in the documentary, eventually opening up about her traumatic experiences with sexual assault.
She has previously spoken about having an eating condition and being diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 14.
She also discusses her mental health struggles and suicide ideation in other places.
Christine begins: ‘I was really nervous about doing a documentary that was just based on autistic women and girls, because there’s obviously boys out there and men that are autistic, and I didn’t want it to come across as being sexist at all.
‘But there’s so many women being diagnosed later on in life because they’re being misunderstood, or they’re masking and they’re not showing it.
‘And it’s so important that that changes, because those women probably needed help and support when they were girls.’
She goes on to recall: ‘When I was at school, I just remember it being the worst time of my life, to the point where I didn’t want to live.
‘There was just so much going on in my head – it’s really, really sad to think that there could be teenage girls feeling exactly the same.’
Christine elsewhere heartbreakingly shares her past of sexual abuse, saying: ‘My relationships before I met Patrick were not very good. I’d say they were pretty bad experiences.’
Breaking down into tears, she continues: ‘Before Patrick I had been sexually abused, I was raped. I used to pray and it’s sad now when I think about it, I’d pray every night that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning.
‘I didn’t want to live, just because it was so awful. It was just awful.’
Christine McGuinness: Unmasking My Autism is available to watch on BBCiPlayer.
Need support?
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
If you’re a young person, or concerned about a young person, you can also contact PAPYRUS Prevention of Young Suicide UK. Their HOPELINK digital support platform is open 24/7, or you can call 0800 068 4141, text 07860039967 or email: pat@papyrus-uk.org between the hours of 9am and midnight.
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MORE : Christine McGuinness heartbreakingly opens up about facing sexual abuse as a teenager