It is highly probable that all sexual partners, whether casual or long-term, will at some point in their lives have some kind of difficulty in their sexual life. These difficulties may include performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, or difficulties with intimacy.
Now, a new survey has identified the most prevalent sex problems faced by couples, as well as what you can do in the bedroom to assist improve the situation.
The Between Us Clinic spoke to 43 sex therapists, revealing the sex positions that could solve your problems.
When it comes to coping with sexual issues, there is, of course, nothing that works better than discussion between partners.
However, once you have engaged in open discourse, these positions may be of use to you.
Photo: depositphotos.com
Premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is a common sexual complaint. According to Mayo Clinic, as many as 1 out of 3 people say they have it at some time, and Cleveland Clinic say it affects 30-40% of men.
Even if a session of sex does not have to last for a long time in order to be enjoyable, experimenting with different sex positions may be able to assist solve this common sexual problem. Spooning, missionary, doggie, and woman-on-top were identified as the four greatest positions for postponing ejaculation by the therapists who worked on Between Us.
Certified sex therapist Chamin Ajjan said spooning can often be associated with a post-coital activity, but as a sexual position, it has its own merits.
‘It gives you a great deal of control, optimal skin-to-skin contact, a good amount of blood flow to the penis, and because of the angle and shallow thrust, it slows down the ability to go too quickly,’ she said.
‘You will have to pay more attention to detail to get your penis where it needs to be, which will switch the focus from whether or not you will finish quickly.’
Certified sex therapist Joseph Winn said missionary works well because some men report that the missionary position allows them a better idea of when they’re about to come, which he calls ejaculatory inevitability.
‘When men begin to notice that they are getting close, they can slow down, control the rate of thrust, and ask their partner to ‘just be with me’ while they focus on breathing and reducing the intensity of nearing ejaculation,’ he said.
As for doggy style, this works because it allows the penetrating partner more control over speed, depth and stimulation.
Lack of intimacy or connection
Because so much of sexual activity might be focused on arriving to the moment of climax, many couples find it difficult to develop the closeness, passion, or connection that they so desperately want in their sexual encounters with one another.
There are a few different positions that can help you become closer to your partner and feel more connected to them. These positions include the lotus position, the missionary position, the cowgirl position, and the spooning position.
The Lotus is an effective technique because the partner who is penetrating cannot push too quickly; as a result, he is required to calm down and rock in time with their partner. In addition to this, it is a very face-to-face posture that requires a significant amount of eye contact, which ensures a higher level of closeness.
Certified sex thearpist Bailey Hank said missionary helps with intimacy as ‘you’re able to maintain eye contact and physical closeness.’
And sex therapist Sara Sloan says cowgirl encourages passion and intimacy as it allows for both eye contact and deep kissing, as well as an exchange of control. ‘Usually this is best achieved either with the woman on top, the man on top, or him sitting up cross legged, while she also sits up, while straddling him,’ she said.
Experiencing pain during sex
About one in 10 women report pain during sex. This often points toward a health condition such as endometriosis or pelvic floor dysfunction, so be sure to talk to a doctor if this is happening to you.
Once you’ve spoken to a medical professional and ruled out any underlying conditions, a change in sexual positions could help ease pain during sex.
Sex therapist Becky Crepsley-Fox says if you’re experiencing pain during sex it is best for the woman to go on top (in the cowgirl position) as she will have control over how deep the penetration will go.
She notes its very important that the vulva and vagina are suitably ‘warmed up’ (with hand or oral sex) to prevent further pain or discomfort, and that using lube will help with this as well.
Sex therapist Heather Huckett says this is another sex issue where spooning can lend a helping hand. The nature of spooning means deep penetration is more difficult achieve, which can be a win if you’re dealing with painful sex. ‘This position provides a buffer (thank you butt) so the penetration is less intense and deep,’ she said.
Lack of clitoral stimulation
It’s not as easy for women as it is for men to orgasm through penetration alone. In fact, about three quarters of people with vulvas need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm.
Often, sexual partners unintentionally sideline the importance of hand sex and oral sex for creating pleasure in women, not realising that penetration isn’t always the best bet for a great finish, leaving a lot of women dissatisfied.
Fortunately, upping the amount of hand and oral sex you have can help, along with trying some new sex positions.
For stimulating the clitoris better, Between Us’ sex therapists recommend cowgirl, doggy style, and reverse cowgirl.
In the study, Clinical Sexologist Alexandria Saunders, LCPC, LAC, says cowgirl and reverse cowgirl work well to solve this problem as, whenever a woman is on top, it allows full view and easier access of her clitoris for stimulation.
‘It also allows the woman to move in a way that offers natural rubbing of the clitoris against her partner’s body, as well as the possibility of using fingers to offer additional stimulation,’ she said.
The worst positions for clitoral stimulation? Missionary, table top, and spooning. However, all positions can be adapted to involve the clitoris more by adding a trusty bullet vibrator into the mix.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Bailey Hank, PsyD, says pillows and props come in handy here too. ‘Not only does this increase the surface area of stimulated clitoral tissue, it also allows the woman to rock her hips, stimulating her clitoral tissue by pressing against her partner’s pubic bone.
