Christine McGuinness has bravely shared her story of sexual assault as a teen.
Christine McGuinness: Unmasking My Autism, a BBC documentary in which she examines the relationship between her illness, her childhood eating problem, adolescent sexual assault, and her marriage to Top Gear broadcaster Paddy McGuinness, exposes the horrifying facts of her prior traumas.
The couple, who had three autistic children together, divorced last summer after 15 years of marriage.
Christine, holding back tears, learns from specialists that many women with autism have a history of domestic and sexual assault.
‘I experienced that,’ the 34-year-old begins.
‘It was a long, long time ago, and I didn’t speak up, and I wonder if I’d never said it because I was autistic, like because was it me? Would a neurotypical woman have said something? Was it my fault? All of those questions.
‘But yeah, it is something I experienced when I was a teenager, and then when I met my husband, that was a time where I felt very safe.
‘And I wonder if that’s why I stayed in that relationship for 15 years.’
She says that being a single mom has made her ‘very vulnerable,’ which ‘petrifies’ her.
She continues: ‘I stayed in a place where I was probably unhappy because it was safe, and I don’t like change, and ultimately I wanted to keep my family together.’
Christine later tells the camera: ‘My relationships before I met Patrick were not very good. I’d say they were pretty bad experiences.’
Breaking down into tears, she continues: ‘Before Patrick I had been sexually abused, I was raped. I used to pray and it’s sad now when I think about it, I’d pray every night that I wouldn’t wake up in the morning.
‘I didn’t want to live, just because it was so awful. It was just awful.’
Christine’s remarks come after she confessed that her children had no idea she had divorced Paddy, 49, because they still lived together.
She told Women’s Own: ‘The children don’t know any different and they’re growing up in a happy and loving home – I just want it to continue like that.
‘We don’t know what the future holds but right now it works.
‘The thought of eventually co-parenting in separate houses is something I’m going to really struggle with.’
Christine McGuinness: Unmasking My Autism is available to watch on BBCiPlayer.
Victim Support
Victim Support offers support to survivors of rape and sexual abuse. You can contact them on 0333 300 6389.