Fill up on Botox, HRT, and polish your dad bod: Love Island for’middle-aged singletons’ is on the way.
Please forgive the mid-life clichés, but isn’t it about time that the over-50s were represented on this sun-drenched paradise of television?
The Romance Resort, billed as “the ONLY dating show where single parents can look for love by spending time in a luxury retreat,” has issued a casting call. The contenders, however, will be nominated by their grown-up children.
As a 50-year-old mother of two who, like many others I know, finds herself back in singledom after the age of 40, I say: bring it on.
Love Island has never been a fan of age diversity. The allure of viewing young, gleaming, rock-hard bodies is undeniable, but bringing in a generation who’s been there and done it all would give The Romance Retreat real heart.
While Love Islanders discuss who is’my type on paper,’ the majority of 40-somethings have lived, loved, and ripped up the notebook as a result of divorce, purposeful uncouplings, and loss.
We’ve also survived the hard-drinking 1990s, acid house, and more summers of love than those beautiful kids could ever dream, so we have far more frightening stories to tell.
Mid-lifers are fully aware that time is running out, so we’re ready to seize love by the horns, as they say on Love Island. Carol Vorderman has acknowledged to having five “particular buddies” at the age of 62.
ITV’s censors had better have their blurring buttons ready when it comes to cracking on, because many of us our age are enjoying the finest sex of our lives – and lots of it.
Despite what we tell our children, we don’t go to bed at 9 p.m. because we’re exhausted.
We understand that appearances aren’t everything, but we enjoy a good flirt. The youthful Love Islanders might not think to look at males over 40, but Ryan Reynolds and Bradley Cooper are hardly Hollywood unicorns – this age range is overflowing with attractive silver foxes.
And where do we begin with attractive women? When a prominent lady over 50 appears looking fantastic (J.Lo, Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry), there’s always a shock reaction, but it’s really no surprise.
We’re still young enough to ride a spin cycle and compete in an HIIT session with the 20-somethings.
And if that’s not your thing, we have lots of alternative options. Such as the capability to spot a bad guy and the refusal to be mugged off.
Plus, our generation of ladies knows how to rock the Love Island clothing code. Long before ‘Shanya,’ we were taught the skill of ‘Bikini: little, heels: tall’ by LL Cool J/Salt-N-Pepa.
But we also know that, while a hot face and a buffed body are appealing, there’s a lot more to life.
The present Love Island model is fiercely heteronormative, but an older generation may be willing to challenge the boy-meets-girl story. You’ve reached an age when you understand that gender and sexuality are fluid, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you live your life.
Not caring about TikTok or where their next PrettyLittleThing sponsorship will give The Romance Retreat residents an advantage – and the fact that they’ve been banished there by their children will add another – emotional – layer.
I have acquaintances whose twenty-something children are concerned about being lonely, even if they are secretly enjoying their best single lives precisely how they want to.
With an increasing number of stunning women documenting the ups and downs of their post-divorce lives, now is the moment to celebrate that status. Instagram provides us with Scummy Mummy. Helen Thorn drinking and DIY-ing, Stacey Duguid repairing her new home despite everyone telling her she can’t paint it red, and the gorgeous Rosie Green demonstrating how to mend a broken heart. It’s a time in life when individuals are open, emotional, and completely watchable.
Davina McCall has already joked that she is ‘begging ITV’ to let her host a mid-life version of Love Island, and her wish may soon come true.
The prospect of being whisked away to a sunny resort where clothing are optional would appeal to every single parent who is currently covered in scarves and blankets because it takes two paychecks to pay for heating these days.
I’d apply if I hadn’t already swiped right on my own mid-life Tinder crush (yes, we have a combined age of 101).
If you need proof, here it is: doing bits is not just for the young, and you don’t become invisible in your forties.